I Cant Sleep

I have been feeling weird since I came home to Malaysia. Its a strange feeling. Half of me wants to scream, wants to explode, the other half doesnt want to be noticed. Another half (yes i have three halves) wants to smile and talk. Like split personalities.

Because of this, I cannot sleep at night. If I go to bed at midnight. I'll still be awake at 3 in the morning rolling around. So here I am updating this. Its currently 2.26am. Wide awake, wanting to run around in circles. Cant stand this anymore i want to sleep properly.

I HAVE A THEORY HAHA

I think I know why im having this, I think im starting to forget my personality.

While i was in primary school, I was very quiet, sensitive, naive, took everything a little too seriously, but I was content. Happy! I was kind of like that in form 1 to form 3 too. Go ask Ming he might agree.

In form 4 I got to know Ming, Drew, dog and Bobby alot better. And i dont know i think they broke something in my head. My personality flipped, we threw darts in class, scribbled on tables walls floors doors, got into a little (a lot of) trouble. I relaxed, even got elected KK and the class was awarded the dirtiest class within the first 2 weeks. Had some fights with people i dont like. I was still content, still happy.

Then I went to New Zealand. There I made some good friends, some not so good friends. But I had to behave differently again. Be nice, treat people politely, dont let the locals think all Malaysians are crazy vandalizing delinquents. Enjoyed my time there, I like that place.

Now im back home, I dont know what the hell im supposed to be like. Ming drew dog all flew away, bobby M.I.A. Some good friends are still here im happy for that. But I realized, without school or university, I cant decide which person i am.

This post is unusually... revealing, but shit if someone spends 3-4 hours everyday rolling around on his bed at night strange thoughts will come into his head. Anyway im hoping that updating this blog will help me map out my attitude. Im not being emo dont jump to conclusions.

Yes.

These guys.

Sorry Bob i dont have a picture of you lol.